Reading - Part 4

CHANGING ATTITUDES TOWARD MARRIAGE

by Michael Klozof

Have you already planned your big day, the extravagant reception, the beautiful wedding dress, the romantic location? Or do you feel that marriage is outdated, and prefer cohabitating or the single life? Trends show that people’s attitudes to relationships and family life have changed and that many people are moving away from the traditional path their parents or grandparents may have taken. Statistics show that in many European countries those who do marry are getting older. The average age has been gradually increasing and today stands at around 30. Yet in the developing world things are vastly different; one in every three girls is married by the age of 18, and 1 in 7, by 15. Many of these weddings are what are called forced marriages, where one or both participants are coerced into matrimony without their free consent. This practice is different from arranged marriage which may be willingly agreed to.

Many parents believe that there is nothing wrong with choosing the person their child will marry. They feel that they are doing what is best for their child, who is too young yet to appreciate their motives and is bound by duty to accept their parents’ wishes. If a prospective bride or groom objects, it may be seen as damaging the family honour. For many parents, particularly those living outside their native countries, the preservation of culture is of utmost importance, and by having their son or daughter marry someone from their own background, they can ensure that their traditions will be kept alive.

While the Universal Declaration of Human Rights states that marriage shall be entered into only with the free and full consent of the intending spouses, in some countries early or forced marriages account for 60% of all unions. Some of the reasons for these circumstances are poverty and gender inequality. For low income families, girls are often viewed as an economic burden. They may occupy a low status in those societies, have few rights and may be ‘sold’ into marriage. In many countries, early marriage is so common that families may not even realise that they are breaking the law. So, while the tradition is illegal, it is tolerated and officials look the other way. In some cases, promises are made when the child is very young, with girls being used to help form alliances between families. Sometimes forced marriages occur to prevent unsuitable relationships, that is, children dating people from outside their ethnic, cultural or religious group. Alternatively, forced marriages may take place to assist with claims for residence or citizenship in another country.

Poverty is recognised as one of the main influences of arranged marriages, with a girl sometimes being wed to a much older man to benefit her and her family. This form of transaction may be seen as helping to ensure the future safety of the child. In parts of Africa, a ‘bride price’ of money or goods is paid to compensate for the parents’ loss of a daughter. It provides the parents with a lump sum to invest while the daughter gains a husband who can provide for her for the rest of her life. This security is particularly valuable in times of bad harvests, food shortages or war.

The consequences of these early marriages are often damaging for female children, who are taken out of school and, as a result, have low levels of education. Many may even be illiterate, and they often lack life skills, knowledge of health and reproduction. Therefore many husbands assume control of all decisions, while the wives take on a more submissive role. They may suffer from abuse and domestic violence. For some there is also the possibility of being widowed early and left without financial support.

It is clear how these forced marriages are considered a violation of children’s rights, everyone under 18 being classed as a child. But it is a mistake to imagine that the only victims of forced marriage are young, uneducated girls from strict, traditional families in countries far away. Reports show that men and women of many ages, from many cultural backgrounds are affected by this, with thousands of cases happening in Europe. Religion, tradition, financial security, family honour, and securing visas and citizenship are the main causes. But each situation is unique and many cases go unreported, as victims fear the consequences if they go against their families’ wishes, so a lot of many girls goes unheard.